"I Am Your Peace" - Jesus. Help is on the way, but it may not be for a while, so I decided to go ahead and write at least some of what I was planning on writing today, even though it will all come out as a long title!! But for now, that's all I've got! So here goes: After we had been in Shell for about 6 years, Germán schocked me by telling me of a desire that was growing in his heart...one that would completely alter our future. At first it was too much to handle. I was in for a difficult several months as my inner self worried and wondered, "How can we possibly do that?" I really needed God to "whisper in my ear". (I wrote a song called "I Am Your Peace", which I was going to write out for you, but I'll have to leave it until I get this blog setup fixed. But I will give you the first verse: Whisper in my ear, "My peace I leave with you." Jesus, let me hear the words I need from You. While in this world, I can't escape its pain nor from its troubles run. But then You say, "Take heart! I am your peace. The world I've overcome".) What was Germán's vision for the future? We had worked for years as employees of HCJB. Now he wanted us to join the mission as career missionaries. For me, the "proper" response would be have been positive, because that's what would have been "correct". But it wasn't what was inside me. The problem wasn't missionary work, as we had been doing that for years, just not with the official status of "missionaries". My problem was with the whole idea of traveling around to churches and visiting people as we tried to raise our financial support. This was post-collapse, and I didn't think my health would stand up to it. More than that, all the preparation for presentations would have to be in English, which meant it would all fall on me! It seemed like too heavy a burden. In my next post (by which time I pray that my dashboard will be fixed!) I will give you all the words to the song "I Am Your Peace", and tell you how God eased us into our future, little by little. (Thanks for your patience! Please help me pray that I can get this setup fixed!)

Sorry, I'm having trouble with my dashboard! That last bit wasn't supposed to go out at all; don't know why it did. The whole dashboard set-up is off, so when I click to see my statistics, for example, it immediately flashes over to where I'm writing now, and even this isn't the same. It has the place for the title, and then...nothing! The only place it lets me write is on this one line. Anybody know what I can do? room for

"You Chose to Hurt...for Me?"

(If I may, I'd like to suggest that you scroll back to the next-to-last post {title: The Mender} and refresh your memory regarding the topic, because this is the poem that I offered to share then, and it fits in, in continuity with what I wanted to say.)
 

                                     You Chose to Hurt...for Me?

                       My hands and feet hurt...they're sore.
                       Yours hurt, too...but, even more,
                                  as You carried the Cross, they bled.
                                  Look back at the trail You left...dirty red.

                      Though Simon took from You their symbol of hate,
                       there wasn't a lifting of the weight
                       that ripped at Your life and made it bleed.
                                    No, of nails in Your body there was no need.
                                    They shouldn't have used them!...because, from the start,
                                     we'd already pounded them through Your heart.

                       The Love that You bled, spilling death-crushing power,
                        won my life in the vilest of Wars.
                        For me You would choose all that hurt, all that pain?
                        What's my suffering when placed next to Yours?

                        My pain slows me down, keeps my life on a tether.
                        Your pain, my Lord, stopped Your life altogether...
                                        But only for that trillionth of a second
                                         that it took for You
                                         to lay Your empty human body
                                         at Your Father's feet
                                         and cry, "Victory!
                                        "The Lion of Judah will roar!
                                         You can look at Me again, Father;
                                         I am sin no more!"

                         When I'm sore and I hurt, there are tears - I cry, too,
                          "Look at me, Lord...I can't do it...will You?"
                          It's not always easy to cry, as You do, "Victory!"
                          ...but always You've known that it wouldn't be;
                          that's one of the reasons You did it for me.
                                                                                            - Becky Rhon

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 Another thing that I often wonder about is that God knew very well that we would betray Him, that in breaking His laws, we would break His Heart...and yet He still created us! He knew that the only way His soon-to-be-created creatures would be able to be His beloved children was through the death of His Son.  And Jesus came to earth willing to do that, eager to play His part in giving us an Eternity in His Father's presence. He would have saved Himself a lot of heartache if He just hadn't made us! But His love was so infinite and intense that He took the risk of having us "spit in His face", in order to have the joy of being Almighty Father and Friend to all of us who, because of Jesus, are allowed - even encouraged - to run into His arms and find everything we need!
          

MY music? He made me believe it could be done.

I had never dreamed that I would write songs...but they happened.  I also had never dreamed that I would record an album...but it happened!  The most I ever wondered was whether or not some recording artist would want to use one of my songs.

I had sung many times in churches, at a wedding, etc.  When we were in Australia, one of my friends and I would sing duets at church. We had voices that blended really well. She sang the melodies and I did the harmony, both high and low.  Before we left to come back to Ecuador, she and I filled a cassette with our duets, using a piano, my guitar, and just a regular cassette recorder.  It wasn't for commercial purposes (obviously!), but rather as a special keepsake, as we knew we'd probably never see each other again...at least on this earth.  One day, in Shell, the tape came loose and I couldn't play it anymore.

Then I had an idea.  A missionary friend had built a small recording studio in Shell.  I was sure he'd have the equipment to mend the tape in my cassette...which he did. At some point I asked him about helping me record a few of my songs, to make a few copies and give them to family members.  But he had another idea. Why not go ahead and record a complete album and have it published?  He had produced a number of albums for different people there, and had the experience and know-how.  As far as financing it, I would only have to pay him for the master tape, nothing more.  And later the sales would recuperate the publishing house expenses.

My mind was a-whirl. Could I actually do it? Our friend made me believe I could.  I would have to re-notate the songs I selected to record (all in Spanish), so he could work with the arrangements.  But that was no problem, given my musical background. Germán was all in favor of the project, too, and gave me his full support.

Once we had the tracks for the songs, I practiced and practiced at home, nervous yet looking forward to...well, I can't say looking forward to seeing a dream come into being, because I'd never dreamed it could happen!  The hours spent in the studio were exhausting (this was post-collapse, so I wasn't in the best of health!) and at the same time invigorating.  My producer was a great musician and a kind, helpful friend, so the project went quite smoothly.  He was easy to work with, and made what was a rather daunting goal into an uplifting, stretching experience.  I learned a lot!

I didn't expect to sell many copies, so we ordered only 250, the smallest amount the publisher would work with.  I soon realized I should have had 500 copies made!  Some time later, after they were all sold, I would occasionally just use a regular cassette recorder to copy the album to give to someone who was wanting it.  Some years ago we had it copied onto CD's. It's been 25 years or so, but I still get an encouraging comment now and then...like from a dear, dear friend in Australia who recently told me that my album is one of her favorites, and it's wearing out, and could I please figure how to send her a CD?

I have been asked numerous times when I was going to record an album of my songs written in English, but for now the two main obstacles are financing (our friend isn't here anymore) and my health.  I don't know if I could hold up through all the sessions here in Quito.  (In Shell the studio was in walking distance, and schedules much more flexible.)  But that's OK.  I still have a channel for working with words via my poetry, which reaches more people than an album might.

Over the years, I've learned that we don't need to use all of our God-given talents all of the time!  He will bring out the ones that are needed in each phase of our lives.  We don't lose the other ones; they just go into hibernation, to be awakened when He needs us to use them again. Or He might give us a gift that will only be used in one phase, and never again. If you're wondering about this in your own life right now, don't be discouraged! Do your best with whichever gifts God wants you to use right now, and trust that when He needs you to use the others, He'll let you know.

God bless you all!  See you next time.   (And hopefully I'll remember the poem I offered to share in the last post!)

The Mender

When we hurt, God doesn't just leave us off in a corner till we get over it. (He cares very much about YOU and YOUR pain!)  And He wants so very much for us to run to Him and allow Him to be all that we need.  He is the One who made us.  Who best to take care of us?


                                        Gently...gently

                        Pain, weariness, wounds...
                        Their threads, strands and shards start to gather, and soon
                        form a mass that spins round me
                        like a personal moon.

                       Creator and Center of my soul-er system,
                       break into the dazing orbit,
                       eclipsing this and any satellite
                       that draws away from You my sight.

                       Stretch out Your Hand, that also knew pain's wrath,
                       and pluck the hurt-soaked ball from out its path.

                                    Then...Lead me to a quiet place.
                                               Restore my soul.
                                               Concede Your grace.

                       You might open Your fingers and throw away the pain,
                       or choose to close them and let the hurting stay
                               for reasons I must trust
                               though understanding little or not at all...
                               for sometimes, thus hidden and held
                               in Your gently-strong Hand,
                               pain can seem so immensely small!

                       Yet even when it appears to dwindle not at all,
                        I can cling to the remedy by far the best:
                        Knowing that the One whose Hand holds my pain
                        is the very One Who rocks the cradle of love in which I rest...
                                               rocks it gently...gently,
                                    as He gathers up and puts my tears away;
                                               gently...gently...
                                    as He stoops to mend this fragile jar of clay.
                                                                                                                  -Becky Rhon


I'm sure that you didn't ask for the difficult times you're going through, did you?  I certainly didn't!  But I know Someone Who CHOSE to experience horrible human and spiritual violence.  He knew it was the only way He could rescue us, take us into His arms...and mend us. His love for us left Him no other option...so He CHOSE to hurt...for us.  In a future post, I'll share a poem with this theme.

Remember that God loves you!

"Ready for Battle?" - a poem

I've been thinking about spiritual warfare (after writing the last post) and how we human beings don't always quite "get it". We try to do too many things by ourselves, on our own, for one reason or another (like maybe to show God and others -and ourselves- how well we're doing or how "spiritual" we are!)  Doing that is dangerous, especially when it comes to battle.  If we don't have the proper equipment, and learn to use it well, we enter the battle with a huge disadvantage that may lead to a heavy loss.

In this poem, God is speaking...

                                              READY FOR BATTLE?

                            Ready for battle?  You want to take part,
                            so you muster your skills and your tools and your art.
                           Your kit piles up as you saw, paste and hone,
                            pleased that you're gathering it all on your own.

             But how much protection will they really afford,
             your tinfoil helmet and rough wooden sword,
             your unshod feet and your poster-board shield?
             Is that how you go to the battlefield?

    I offer you all you must use for defense,
    guaranteed to hold up when the war's most intense.
    Don't rely on your own hand-made weapons, your "might".
    It's only MY armor that lasts through the fight:

                           my righteousness, truth, and my Gospel well-heard,
                           salvation and faith and the Sword of my Word.
                           Ready for battle?  All you need's been supplied,
                           so gear up, brave soldier! We'll fight side-by-side.
                                                                                                                       -Becky Rhon
                                                                                                             (see Eph.6:10-18)
                      *********************************************************
 Many writings ago, I mentioned that there was more than one factor involved in my collapse. It wasn't the "burnout" alone.  Another factor was  that I was found to have a hormonal imbalance.  Yet another was what we all suspected was our Foe trying to get at us by breaking our health.  Why did we arrive at that conclusion?  Because there were several of us women in the community who all started to suffer from  kind-of-hard-to-pin-down symptoms, with only tentative - even vague- diagnoses, at best.  When one after another of us ended up "sickly", it didn't seem a coincidence.

As far as I know, none of us ever regained complete health.  BUT...that didn't mean that our Enemy got the best of it!  I know that in my case, I have learned such valuable lessons and gained so much that I am stronger inside than before.  Outside doesn't matter as much.

(My health has actually gotten worse over the years, even after leaving Shell.   In case you're wondering, I have fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, a couple of heart arrhythmias, with a dis-functional sacroiliac thrown in, along with a couple of other bothersome things. Pain is my daily companion. It's usually not too bad, and doesn't interfere too much with what I do. I take medicines, but every so often the pain is so bad it makes me weep.  But I am so thankful that I can still do housework, play the piano, write, cook - one of my hobbies -... and all my senses work!  So many people can't walk, or talk, or see, or hear...)

If YOU, who are reading this, are going through tough times, especially with discomforts and pain, don't let our spiritual Enemy get you down!...or if he manages that, don't let him keep you from reaching out for Jesus' hand to pull you right back up again!

God loves you so very much!