Who Is YOUR Peace? // "I'm being caught."

When Dan left home after graduation from high school, I kept his cards and letters.  Hearing from him, especially when he was on the Marine fleet in the Middle East, was always a wonderful treat.  In one of them he said (approximately) that he would sometimes see his fellow-Marines all stressed out; but when he felt that way, he knew where to go for  peace. If only his shipmates could have even a drop of this peace...


                      I Am Your Peace

         Whisper in my ear, "My peace I leave with you." 

         Jesus, let me hear the words I need from You.
         While in this world, I can't escape its pain
         nor from its troubles run.
         But then You say, "Take heart! I am your peace.
         The world I've overcome."

Carve it on my heart, your covenant of peace.
Lord, it cost so much to sign and seal it for me!
Your nail-torn hands reach out to steady me,
to trace the pledge once more.
And then you say, "Take heart!  I am your peace,
who comes to heal and restore."

                                                
                                                       

Send its soothing waves, the river of your peace.
Pump it through my veins with every heartbeat.  Peace!
Your thoughts of love flow out to feed my soul,
to lift my head up high.
And then You say, "Take heart! I am your peace.
The final victory is mine."

                                           

Forge it in my life, the pathway of your peace.
Mark it clearly, Lord; cut through the thorns and weeds.
Oh, Prince of Peace...sometimes my footsteps fail...
it's so hard to go on.
And then You say, "Take heart!  I am your peace,
the Way that leads you home."

                        Whisper in my ear, "My peace I leave with you."
         *************************************************(lyrics to song by Becky Rhon)***

I've needed that peace desperately at times, and I'm sure you have, too.  Like Dan, I know where to go...to Whom to go.  Do you?  Remember that peace is not the absence of pain or trouble. God's peace comes when He holds us in his arms in the midst of the pain and trouble, and lets us know He's "there for us", ready to save, heal, teach, encourage...

Recently, my daughter and her family were with my sister during a meal, and afterwards their girls, Liliana (5) and Miriam (4), were running around my sister's chair as she tried to "catch" them as they went by.  Miriam got  "imprisoned" in her great-aunt's arms. (That makes her sound ancient!  Carol is only in her 50's.)  When Liliana told her she'd come to her aid and "bust her out", Miriam just stood there, snuggled further into Carol's arms and told her sister, "No! I'm being caught."  She preferred taking a pause in the game and just being hugged.

Jesus loves it when we pause in our day, take a time-out in the game, and just snuggle up to Him, feeling the comfort of His arms of love and grace around us...for as long as we need.  And He'll whisper in our ear, "My peace I leave with you." 
            
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"Debbie, Come back!"

This time we were going to be left with an empty nest.  Six years after Dan, Debbie was finishing up her last year of secondary education, at the same American school from which I, and later Dan, had graduated, here in Quito.  It was a busy year, and she had a lot on her plate.  She was very ill right before the end-of-the-year ceremonies, but managed to make it through, graduating with honors.

Debbie had helped out in the school nurse's office, and says that the two people in this position at that time (Kathy Jo Estes and "Cookie" Callaghan) were part of her inspiration in choosing to study nursing when she started at Azusa Pacific University.  (Cookie, also an MK, was my class-mate from grade school on!  Her daughter Jen became one of Debbie's closest friends.  Kathy Jo and I had raised our kids together in Shell for several years, so she was also an "aunt", and her daughter Dawn was also a special friend.)  Debbie admired and loved these worthy women, and I am grateful for the encouragement they gave my daughter.

I remember how, when Dan left, for some time after, if I saw someone that looked like him or even walked like him, I was liable to break down and cry.  The day he left, I sat in the airport and melted into tears. This time I said goodbye to my precious little girl at home.  (The airport had been remodeled, and one couldn't watch the planes leave from up close anyway.)  She and Germán left the house early in the morning, and later, when I heard her flight take off, I flung myself onto her bed and  sobbed out "Debbie, come back!" again and again...knowing she couldn't.  It hurt so badly!  My baby was leaving home.

Just as I had adapted to the absence of Dan, knowing it to be a necessary part of life, I eventually was able to adapt to Debbie not being around.  But once in a while...like the time I was in the supermarket, bending over a display case...I suddenly heard someone say "Mommy" in a voice that sounded exactly like

Debbie's.  I spun around...and she wasn't there.  It was another girl calling her mother.  I started crying right there in the store.  Germán found me a few moments later and thought someone had hurt me.  He was ready to defend me, whatever happened!  In this case, all he could do was try to comfort me.

One thing that helped me through the transition was knowing that Debbie was going to stay with my sister for the summer, and that when she left for the university, Dan would be there to receive her.  She has always looked up to her big brother, and his encouragement and moral support were such a comfort...to her and to us.  And, of course, we prayed constantly and trusted our Father to protect our children.

We did have the hopeful consolation that God would allow us to bring our kids home every year at Christmas time...and He did!  We were very under-supported, yet "somehow" they were always able to fly down.  In a future post, I'll tell you about an awesome, incredible occasion in which God really astonished us with the loving way He fixed things when we thought the kids weren't going to be able to come.  A miracle!!
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God Himself gave us our two children.  "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him."  (Psalm 127:3)  BUT...we still are subject to the normal processes of life, aren't we?

Like it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; ...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."  As much as we missed our kids, we knew that they had to learn to build their own lives.  We would have done them a serious disservice by trying to keep them tied to us... by not letting them go.

God knows what it's like to be a Father...and have his Son leave.  He understands all that we go through in saying "good-bye" to our children.  So He lets us know many times in his Word that He's ready to put his arms around us and let his Love and Peace seep into our souls. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort."  (II Corinthians 1:3)
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          Missing your children?  Wishing you could see
          them more often?  The Father understands.    
                                                             So do I.....SO
 

A Shaky Reminder...and a Rock-solid Promise!

WOW!  Something just happened that reminded me of an event from 1987, when we were still living in

Shell, on the edge of Ecuador's eastern jungles.

EARTHQUAKE!! A few minutes ago (this is August 12th), our house here in Quito shook with force for about 10 seconds, then took another 10 seconds or so to wind down and finally stop its shaking. As I'm writing this, I've felt three weaker aftershocks.  (Many more have registered on the seismographs, but haven't been strong enough to feel.) Last Friday there was a short tremor, too...and it had been quite a while since we last felt one.

Ecuador sits on serious fault lines...tremors are a part of life.  In this country's

history there have been some incredibly devastating ones, like that of August 1949, when the town of Pelileo was reduced to rubble.  (See picture.)

Our house here in Quito, like many, was built with quake-resistant foundations, chains that allow the house to sway without coming apart.  (Or something like that!)  So when it starts to shake, we go into "alert mode", but usually don't stop what we're doing, or even bother to get up from wherever we're sitting or laying...until we see if it's worth getting up for!  After all, it could go either way! And no matter how good the "anti-seismic" measures are, a really, really hard earthquake could still level everything!

Our children had instructions for whenever they felt a quake at night.  They were to grab a pair of shoes and a blanket and come to us.  If the tremor was intense enough, we might have to go outside, where it was cold, and nocturnal creepy-crawlies might get stepped on.

On March 5, 1987, in Shell, our house shook violently enough that I almost lost my balance walking!  It shook at a little before 9:00 p.m. (6.1 on the Richter), and then again at 11:10 p.m. (6.9 on the Richter).  The kids were awake for the first one, and obediently got their shoes and blankets.  I think they may have slept through the second one, in spite of its intensity!  It wasn't necessary to go outside.

Over the next few days, we were shocked at how much havoc the earthquake had wreaked:  1000 people dead, and around one billion dollars in damage.  Also, 70 kms. of the oil pipe lines were destroyed.  But the majority of the deaths  and damage was not caused by the quake itself, but by the mudslides that it triggered. I remember hearing that many people just disappeared under the waves of mud.  
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Even when we don't live in an earthquake zone, our life can go through emotional and spiritual "tremors", when everything seems to waver, and the lack of equilibrium, or the repeated "aftershocks" in our hearts, minds and souls threaten our balance. Sadness, hopes dashed, disappointments, rejection, upheaval, bereavement...many things can shake us up, and can be more traumatic than geological earthquakes.  But we who have given our lives into God's hands can go into "alert mode" and trust in that ready-made place of stability and strength we can stand on...as we're reminded in the words to this song:

                           Jesus Turns My Sorrow

                    //Jesus changes sadness to praise,
                    lifting up my soul with His Grace.
                    He will turn my sorrow into a song.//      

            

                    Even though I tremble on the Rock,
                    the Rock will never tremble under me!
                    So even in my weakness, I'm strong.
                    Jesus turns my sorrow into a song.

                    //Jesus changed despair into hope,
                    lifting up my head, once bowed low.
                   Then He turned my sorrow into a song.//

                    He promises to comfort those who mourn,
                    and promises His healing to the heart that's torn.
                    So even in my weakness, I'm strong.
                    Jesus turns my sorrow into a song.
                                                                                   --Becky Rhon
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God Himself assures us:  " 'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you."  (Isaiah 54:10)

The psalmist treasured this promise, and declared it time-and-again in his songs.

"The Lord is my rock,  my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  (Psalm 18:2)

And a prayer He is always ready to answer: "Be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go." (Psalm 71:3
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                          No matter what happens, we are safe in His arms! 
                  

Running out of time...

After Dan graduated from high school, we were glad to have at least one of our kids still with us for six more years. (And, thankfully, Dan was able to come pretty much every Christmas.)  But soon it was 1998, and time for Debbie to start her last year of high school.  Our "empty nest" was almost here.

Dan was already studying at Azusa Pacific University (after his four years in the U.S. Marines), and was so helpful to his little sister. (He has been, and is, a kind and thoughtful big brother.)  Many people think they can't go to college because it costs so much, but Dan had done research and found many sources of grants and loans available.  Debbie filled out forms, hoping for acceptance into the same college where Dan was, and concentrated on getting financial aid.         

The school year drew closer and closer to its end...and Debbie still hadn't heard if she'd been approved for the grants and loans she had asked for.  She was getting more and more worried, and near tears, as she said to me one day that her money just wasn't coming in.  Grade-wise there was no problem (both she and Dan had been inducted into the National Honor Society), but she needed the money!  She should have heard one way or the other.  Did it mean she wasn't going to get the help she needed?  She was running out of time!

Seeing her so downcast that night, I went to her room and hugged her as  I prayed, "Please, Lord, Debbie needs to know if she's going to get the necessary financial help. Will You please make the answers arrive sometime within this week?"  (It was a Monday.)  I wasn't giving God deadlines...just asking for comfort for my baby.       

                                                               

The next afternoon, Debbie came home from school and sat down at the computer again.  Pretty soon I heard her shout, "I got my money!"  Her financial aid applications had been all figured out and approved...and she got the news less than 24 hours after we prayed! I think God had a big grin on His face as He watched His (and my) little girl express her delight!

I'm so glad we had Internet by then.  Imagine the ordeal of waiting for all of this paperwork to go back and forth through regular mail! *****************************************************************

Philippians 4:6,7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Once again, we were able to say with the poet-king, "You have granted {us} the desire of {our} heart and have not withheld the requests of {our} lips."  (Psalm 21:2)

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May each one of you know God's peace...which transcends all understanding...in your heart today!                                                                                           

Who Are You Going to Believe?

Two of my favorite pastimes are reading and doing word puzzles (crosswords, anacrostics, cryptographs, etc.) They are helpful in "disconnecting" my brain from all the things around me, and giving me a much-needed break.  I've always enjoyed reading and puzzles, but they became more a part of my "therapy" as my health continued deteriorating.  (They not only help me unwind;  I have learned a lot through them.)                                                

Years ago, reading a novel - I can't even remember the title - I came across something that so impressed me that I still haven't forgotten it.  I'll try to give you an idea, although I may not get details exactly right.  But the details aren't that important...the point of this incident is.

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Set in India, I think in the 1800's, a young British man married a lovely maiden, and although they started out well, in a short time he began to treat her badly.  She suffered a lot under his abuse - mostly psychological - but she had nowhere to turn, and stayed with him.

One day he was wounded in a serious accident (or maybe it was a skirmish with an opposing band), with a head injury that kept him hanging in the balance for a while.  When he began to recuperate, he saw his wife and wondered who that lovely woman was.  He couldn't remember anything from before the accident.  He seemed to recognize his environment, why he was in India, and what he was doing there, but his personal life had been erased by amnesia.

Once he found out that he was actually married to this lovely woman, he asked her many questions about their life together.  The most important one he asked was, "What kind of husband was I?  How did I treat you?"

What could she say?  This was an opportunity to make him pay for his past mistreatment of her.  She might have let him know what an insufferable chauvinist he had been!

But instead of that...she lied.  She told him that he had been a considerate husband...gentle and tender...loving and seeing to their needs...strong and even-tempered...probably all the things she wished he had been.  In a sense it wasn't a total lie, because I think she knew that he was capable of being all that!

And, because he believed that he was what his wife told him he was, he became just that!  He determined to continue being the kind of husband he now thought he had been before his mishap.
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We tend to forget how our words influence the self-perception of others, don't we?  My mom told me about a young girl who wasn't getting very good grades at school, and her mother would berate her and say she was dumb and even stupid, because she did poorly.  So my mom suggested she use a different approach.  She stopped telling her daughter that she wasn't smart, and instead tried to make her feel accepted and loved, and told her she knew she would do her best in school.  The girl's grades began to improve....and it turned out that she was actually quite intelligent... but she had been told that she wasn't, so "why bother?"

Although this illustration from the book isn't meant to condone lying (that's not its point),  it's true that choosing a positive, uplifting approach over a negative, down-putting one can often work wonders.  Words can be very powerful!
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Now...what if there are conflicting opinions about yourself flying around...either from others or inside your own mind?  Which ones are true? Maybe sometimes you're not sure what you are! (or even why, when, how and where!) 

There is so much one could say, many books that have been written.  But let's just remember that those of us who are believers in God and his Son Jesus as our Savior are:  accepted and forgiven (Colossians 2:13).  We are citizens of Heaven (Philippians 3:20) and members of God's household (Ephesians 2:19).

As if that weren't enough,  God loves us so much that He expends incredible attention and care on our behalf, and we are objects of His...
   -- love (Ephesians  2:4)
   -- grace (Romans 5:2)
   -- power (Ephesians 1:19)
   -- faithfulness (Hebrews 13:5)
   -- peace (John 14:27)
   -- encouragement (Romans 15:4,5)
   -- intercession (Hebrews 7:25)

The Bible says so, and God never lies!  And if God cares for us, calls to us, seeks us out...that says a LOT about how very much we mean to Him, how valuable we are.  He doesn't throw our sins and unworthiness in our face or rub our noses in our insignificance.  Satan, the Accuser, does that!  So which one are you going to believe?

Who Said "Furlough" is a Vacation???

Not a missionary, I'm sure! HCJB actually had a different name for it: Home Ministry Assignment.  Yes, you basically go back to your country of origin (and maybe to others where you have people on your support team) to visit your friends and family, and renew ties...AND to  contact those of your prayer and financial supporters that you can, to report to them and update them on your ministries.  You go back in order to work! Obviously, there's time to relax and enjoy some recreational activities, but it's NOT one big vacation!

I always thought that "Home Ministry Assignment" didn't quite fit us.  I mean, in going to the States, we weren't going home!  Home is Ecuador.  We had to go overseas!  So I still think of it as "furlough".  We took our first one after we'd been back in Quito for four years (1996-1997).  We settled into a small house in a Dallas suburb, close to where we had lived for those three years when we were trying to build up our support team.  Debbie was going into 10th grade, and we enrolled her in the small Christian school where she and Dan had studied before. My parents, and my sister and her boys lived not too far away.

With Debbie in school, we couldn't just take off and travel whenever we felt like it.  I think we only made one longer deputation trip during that school year, and Debbie stayed with my folks while we were gone.  Otherwise trips were limited.  Germán got a part-time job at an MK's mechanic shop, which helped with our finances. Our support has never been very high, and it costs a lot more to live in the States than in Ecuador!  We also took care of my two nephews (remember Tito and Agie?), picking them up from school and having them at home until my sister got off work.

One advantage to being in the States was that Dan could come see us more easily!  If I remember correctly, he came two or three times - better than once a year!  It was his last full year in the Marines, and the following summer (1998) he was released from the Marines early so that he could start the school year at Azusa Pacific University.
                                                                                                                                                     
We had always thought it would be great to go to one of the Mayo Clinics, renowned for their diagnostic services, and have me thoroughly

tested for just about everything!  My health was not good, but it wasn't easy to pinpoint exactly what all was wrong. We wanted to know if earlier medical opinions had been right. The trouble was, it's really hard to get an appointment "right away", and that's when we needed it, if we got it at all.  We were returning to Ecuador, and couldn't wait too long.  My father went to work on the phone, and managed to get me the appointment! (I'm sure my Father had something to do with it, too!)

We were blessed to stay at an elderly woman's house (no charge) fairly close to the Clinic (in Scottsdale, AZ).  And our health insurance covered absolutely everything!  Amazing!  We didn't even have to handle the paperwork.  They told us to have the Clinic send all the bills straight to them.  In the final evaluation, I learned several things, among them:  I had broken a rib at some time - no idea when; I had osteoarthritis and a dis-functional sacroiliac; and the doctor who put me on prednisone had "messed up" quite a few years of my life!  (Those are the approximate words the Mayo doctor himself used.)  I had been told I'd need to be on prednisone for the rest of my life, so the idea of weaning myself off of it was liberating!  No more puffy, red, ugly face!


After that, we drove over to California to see Dan once again, before heading back. We returned to Ecuador in the summer of 1997.  Debbie prepared to start 11th grade, and we settled back into our routines of life and ministry.  Although it was good to see people, be with family, and be able to go to the Mayo Clinic, we were SO glad to be HOME!
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But someday, we'll be going to our REAL Home!!  The one down here on earth won't last forever.  Paul said that we have "an eternal house in heaven". (II Cor. 5:1)
                             

                                                                               
And Jesus said, " In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going."
(John 14:2-4)

I hope with all my heart that YOU will be going there, too!
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Into The Tuba...a poem for when you feel inadequate

         
                                                               INTO THE TUBA

                                                     The instruments prepare each part.  
                                                      But see... not all are there.                                                

    Musicians wait for Me to start,
    but there's an empty chair.

         I know...it's mine.  But I'm nervous and...I mean,
         what if I'm all out of tune and tempo and
         throw the others off and
         can't keep up and
                                                               when it's my turn for a solo I mess up and
                                                               everyone notices and
                                                         I stick out like a sore thumb                                         

                                and can't I just go hide somewhere?
                                           I could crawl into the tuba
                                     or under the drums or something
                                     and nobody would miss me
                                                    and...oh, help.          
           

I would miss you.  Here, take My Hand and
Come...I need you in your place.
Here's how you can keep pace: look straight at Me!

                              Look straight at Me, and soon you'll find
                              the "butterflies" have flown.
                             My strength swirls through your solo line-
                             you need not play alone!

                        Remember whose life-passioned art                                                         

                                           you must depend upon.

                                               I lift My Hand...
                            now lift your heart to answer My baton!
                                                          
                  ********************************-Becky Rhon************

When we had been back in Quito for several years, a lovely family came to live in the second house on our property.  They became our very-next-door neighbors.  They had three small children, but since they wanted five, they continued trying to add to their nest.  They were thrilled when she got pregnant, and they were eager, at the end of the nine months, to meet their new child.  The night they went to the hospital for the delivery, I stayed with the kids, and during breakfast we were all excited about seeing the baby.


Then they called...their little new-born had arrived with several serious physical problems.  Later during the day, the children were allowed into the hospital room, and were able to hold their new sibling in their arms and admire him before he slipped away into the arms of Jesus...after only nine hours of life.

 Though no one could grieve as deeply as they did, we came awfully close!  It was a heart-breaking time, one with a lot of feeling down and unsure, puzzled and disoriented.  God held their hearts through it all, and though it left a scar, they know they have a beautiful little boy waiting up in Heaven for them.

They lived here beside us for a couple of years, then bought their own house.  When they drove away for the last time, with all their remaining things,  the kids looked around, confused, and asked their parents, "But...aren't Uncle Germán and Aunt Becky coming with us?" They assumed that we were part-and-parcel of the deal!
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Jesus said, "If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

We may not understand everything that happens to us, but if we remember to keep looking at our divine Conductor, we can continue to play our part in His symphony.  Just keep watching His baton, and let your heart answer Him.

God bless every one of you!