"I Am Your Peace" /// A Contest

(Sorry about the problems I had last week. It's sort of weird to have those blank posts! The blog was really acting up - once it "published" something when there was nothing there to publish! And I wasn't even touching the keyboard! The trouble apparently lay with the server connections.)

Here are the words to the song I wanted to share with you in the last post.  If you haven't already read it, scroll back to that post and do so, to get an idea of the context.

                             I Am Your Peace

    Whisper in my ear, "My peace I leave with you."
    Jesus, let me hear the words I need from You.
    While in this world, I can't escape its pain nor from its troubles run.
    But then You say, "Take heart!  I am your peace. The world I've overcome."

    Carve it on my heart, your covenant of peace.
    Lord, it cost so much to sign and seal it for me!
    Your nail-torn hands reach out to steady me, to trace the pledge once more.
    And then You say,  "Take heart!  I am your peace, who comes to heal and restore."

    Send its soothing waves, the river of your peace.
    Pump it through my veins with every heartbeat - Peace!
    Your thoughts of love flow out to feed my soul, to lift my head up high.
    And then You say, "Take heart!  I am your peace.  The final victory is mine."

    Forge it in my life, the pathway of your peace.
    Mark it clearly, Lord; cut through the thorns and weeds.
    Oh, Prince of Peace...sometimes my footsteps fail...it's so hard to go on...
    And then You say, "Take heart!  I am your peace, the Way that leads you Home."
                                                                                                                       - Becky Rhon
                               ********************************

One day a close friend came over and told me I should enter a contest!  I hardly ever listened to the radio, so I hadn't heard about it.  There was going to be a missionary convention (run by the Ecuadorian Missionary Association, to get out the concept of nationals also becoming missionaries), and they were holding a contest for song-writers.  They needed a theme song for the convention.  Since I was writing music, my friend urged me to participate.

I was hesitant at first, because my songs tended to just come to me; I couldn't make them appear. I had also never written one in the form of a congregational song.  But those weren't the only things that made me wonder if I could do it.  Remember my feelings about becoming a missionary?  (Last post.)  How could I write a song about it?  So I decided I'd just "tell it like it is".  The lyrics talk about God making us to honor Him by reflecting His love, and the fact that we tend to find excuses!  The name (in English) of the song is "Here Am I". The first verse talks of making oneself ready on a personal level, and the second one on a group level. I wanted to emphasize that in order to work alongside others, first you must have your own readiness and dedication worked out. The song also talks of the example Jesus gave us, leaving everything behind; and it says that God wants more than just our "leftovers"; He wants full surrender.  I may not have been actually feeling that, but the song became a tentative prayer for what I wanted to happen in me.

I was fairly sure I wouldn't win the contest; after all, it was nation-wide!  So I didn't tell many people, only those who helped make a recording of the song to send in.  I had pretty much forgotten it...and then one Sunday night my husband came home from church with a huge ear-to-ear grin.  He just stood there looking at me...."You won!"

People from the organization had come to Shell, and in our church's evening service they announced the winner.  Later, one of the leaders, who was also a friend, asked me why I hadn't told the church I was entering the contest.  He said they would have felt as if everyone was participating through me...which is precisely why I didn't tell them!  I didn't really expect to win, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone.  (I imagined that there would be many, many songs from which to choose...which turned out not to be true. Saying I won a nation-wide contest sounds cool, but there were only nine entries!)

The song was printed in the hand-out packets at the convention, and I oversaw the teaching of it to the people. One thing I remember clearly was being up on the stage, with the background music (I can't remember if it was a track or if I was playing my guitar)...and one young man very "helpfully" came to the front to play along...in a completely different key!

Needless to say, this whole experience was therapeutic.  I was able to focus a little better on possibilities for the future.
                                                  **********************************

During the next month, December, I am going to be sharing Christmas poems that I have written. So please join me!  And have a very Happy Thanksgiving! 

"I Am Your Peace" - Jesus. Help is on the way, but it may not be for a while, so I decided to go ahead and write at least some of what I was planning on writing today, even though it will all come out as a long title!! But for now, that's all I've got! So here goes: After we had been in Shell for about 6 years, Germán schocked me by telling me of a desire that was growing in his heart...one that would completely alter our future. At first it was too much to handle. I was in for a difficult several months as my inner self worried and wondered, "How can we possibly do that?" I really needed God to "whisper in my ear". (I wrote a song called "I Am Your Peace", which I was going to write out for you, but I'll have to leave it until I get this blog setup fixed. But I will give you the first verse: Whisper in my ear, "My peace I leave with you." Jesus, let me hear the words I need from You. While in this world, I can't escape its pain nor from its troubles run. But then You say, "Take heart! I am your peace. The world I've overcome".) What was Germán's vision for the future? We had worked for years as employees of HCJB. Now he wanted us to join the mission as career missionaries. For me, the "proper" response would be have been positive, because that's what would have been "correct". But it wasn't what was inside me. The problem wasn't missionary work, as we had been doing that for years, just not with the official status of "missionaries". My problem was with the whole idea of traveling around to churches and visiting people as we tried to raise our financial support. This was post-collapse, and I didn't think my health would stand up to it. More than that, all the preparation for presentations would have to be in English, which meant it would all fall on me! It seemed like too heavy a burden. In my next post (by which time I pray that my dashboard will be fixed!) I will give you all the words to the song "I Am Your Peace", and tell you how God eased us into our future, little by little. (Thanks for your patience! Please help me pray that I can get this setup fixed!)

Sorry, I'm having trouble with my dashboard! That last bit wasn't supposed to go out at all; don't know why it did. The whole dashboard set-up is off, so when I click to see my statistics, for example, it immediately flashes over to where I'm writing now, and even this isn't the same. It has the place for the title, and then...nothing! The only place it lets me write is on this one line. Anybody know what I can do? room for

"You Chose to Hurt...for Me?"

(If I may, I'd like to suggest that you scroll back to the next-to-last post {title: The Mender} and refresh your memory regarding the topic, because this is the poem that I offered to share then, and it fits in, in continuity with what I wanted to say.)
 

                                     You Chose to Hurt...for Me?

                       My hands and feet hurt...they're sore.
                       Yours hurt, too...but, even more,
                                  as You carried the Cross, they bled.
                                  Look back at the trail You left...dirty red.

                      Though Simon took from You their symbol of hate,
                       there wasn't a lifting of the weight
                       that ripped at Your life and made it bleed.
                                    No, of nails in Your body there was no need.
                                    They shouldn't have used them!...because, from the start,
                                     we'd already pounded them through Your heart.

                       The Love that You bled, spilling death-crushing power,
                        won my life in the vilest of Wars.
                        For me You would choose all that hurt, all that pain?
                        What's my suffering when placed next to Yours?

                        My pain slows me down, keeps my life on a tether.
                        Your pain, my Lord, stopped Your life altogether...
                                        But only for that trillionth of a second
                                         that it took for You
                                         to lay Your empty human body
                                         at Your Father's feet
                                         and cry, "Victory!
                                        "The Lion of Judah will roar!
                                         You can look at Me again, Father;
                                         I am sin no more!"

                         When I'm sore and I hurt, there are tears - I cry, too,
                          "Look at me, Lord...I can't do it...will You?"
                          It's not always easy to cry, as You do, "Victory!"
                          ...but always You've known that it wouldn't be;
                          that's one of the reasons You did it for me.
                                                                                            - Becky Rhon

***************************************************************************
 Another thing that I often wonder about is that God knew very well that we would betray Him, that in breaking His laws, we would break His Heart...and yet He still created us! He knew that the only way His soon-to-be-created creatures would be able to be His beloved children was through the death of His Son.  And Jesus came to earth willing to do that, eager to play His part in giving us an Eternity in His Father's presence. He would have saved Himself a lot of heartache if He just hadn't made us! But His love was so infinite and intense that He took the risk of having us "spit in His face", in order to have the joy of being Almighty Father and Friend to all of us who, because of Jesus, are allowed - even encouraged - to run into His arms and find everything we need!
          

MY music? He made me believe it could be done.

I had never dreamed that I would write songs...but they happened.  I also had never dreamed that I would record an album...but it happened!  The most I ever wondered was whether or not some recording artist would want to use one of my songs.

I had sung many times in churches, at a wedding, etc.  When we were in Australia, one of my friends and I would sing duets at church. We had voices that blended really well. She sang the melodies and I did the harmony, both high and low.  Before we left to come back to Ecuador, she and I filled a cassette with our duets, using a piano, my guitar, and just a regular cassette recorder.  It wasn't for commercial purposes (obviously!), but rather as a special keepsake, as we knew we'd probably never see each other again...at least on this earth.  One day, in Shell, the tape came loose and I couldn't play it anymore.

Then I had an idea.  A missionary friend had built a small recording studio in Shell.  I was sure he'd have the equipment to mend the tape in my cassette...which he did. At some point I asked him about helping me record a few of my songs, to make a few copies and give them to family members.  But he had another idea. Why not go ahead and record a complete album and have it published?  He had produced a number of albums for different people there, and had the experience and know-how.  As far as financing it, I would only have to pay him for the master tape, nothing more.  And later the sales would recuperate the publishing house expenses.

My mind was a-whirl. Could I actually do it? Our friend made me believe I could.  I would have to re-notate the songs I selected to record (all in Spanish), so he could work with the arrangements.  But that was no problem, given my musical background. Germán was all in favor of the project, too, and gave me his full support.

Once we had the tracks for the songs, I practiced and practiced at home, nervous yet looking forward to...well, I can't say looking forward to seeing a dream come into being, because I'd never dreamed it could happen!  The hours spent in the studio were exhausting (this was post-collapse, so I wasn't in the best of health!) and at the same time invigorating.  My producer was a great musician and a kind, helpful friend, so the project went quite smoothly.  He was easy to work with, and made what was a rather daunting goal into an uplifting, stretching experience.  I learned a lot!

I didn't expect to sell many copies, so we ordered only 250, the smallest amount the publisher would work with.  I soon realized I should have had 500 copies made!  Some time later, after they were all sold, I would occasionally just use a regular cassette recorder to copy the album to give to someone who was wanting it.  Some years ago we had it copied onto CD's. It's been 25 years or so, but I still get an encouraging comment now and then...like from a dear, dear friend in Australia who recently told me that my album is one of her favorites, and it's wearing out, and could I please figure how to send her a CD?

I have been asked numerous times when I was going to record an album of my songs written in English, but for now the two main obstacles are financing (our friend isn't here anymore) and my health.  I don't know if I could hold up through all the sessions here in Quito.  (In Shell the studio was in walking distance, and schedules much more flexible.)  But that's OK.  I still have a channel for working with words via my poetry, which reaches more people than an album might.

Over the years, I've learned that we don't need to use all of our God-given talents all of the time!  He will bring out the ones that are needed in each phase of our lives.  We don't lose the other ones; they just go into hibernation, to be awakened when He needs us to use them again. Or He might give us a gift that will only be used in one phase, and never again. If you're wondering about this in your own life right now, don't be discouraged! Do your best with whichever gifts God wants you to use right now, and trust that when He needs you to use the others, He'll let you know.

God bless you all!  See you next time.   (And hopefully I'll remember the poem I offered to share in the last post!)