What was it like? What was going on inside of me during this journey through each day after I collapsed? For two or three weeks (longer, maybe), I accompanied my raw soul as it sought to right itself after being turned upside-down. It's hard to try to describe it, so I decided that I would share with you a poem that I wrote as I was finally coming to the end of that phase which, though not the only one, was the darkest, and I was starting to get my legs under me once again.
This poem has never been included in any of our prayer letters, and the only people, so far, who have ever seen it are some family members. So most of you will be seeing it for the first time in print! Back then my poems were few and far between, and not necessarily intended for "public consumption" - except for a few humorous ones I wrote for different people and events. This poem may not seem all that "polished", but its purpose was to capture something of the essence of what I was going through and Jesus' presence, so that I would never forget.
YOU WERE THERE
You were standing right beside me
when my soul went into shock.
I was dizzy, weak and trembling,
and though numbed from any feeling,
You were there, my Solid Rock.
As I stumbled from the table,
feeling like an empty shell,
as I sought dark, quiet aloneness,
panicked in my barren dryness,
You were there, my Living Well.
When my heart regained some feeling,
tender, sore, with pains to lend;
when I needed peace and quiet,
when I needed calm and stillness,
You were there, my Gentle Friend,
Frequent teardrops made their music -
sometimes quiet, sometimes strong-
and note by note your love-drops mingling,
bathing hurts, refreshing, cooling...
You were there, my Soothing Song.
Struggling still to find a balance,
find a way that I could cope,
You let me hear your words of comfort,
words of peace and understanding.
You were there, my Heavenly Hope.
I could hear You say, "I love you";
I could hear You say, "You're mine".
In my sad and thirsty moments
I could feel your arms around me.
You were there, my Wedding Wine.
Never had I felt so helpless
nor so weak; I knew at length,
that weakness makes us see You stronger,
rest, and watch You work, in wonder.
You were there, my Silent Strength.
Through our friends' and neighbors' kindness
You have proven your supply
is never-ending, based on mercy;
all your power, all your glory...
You were there, my El Shaddai!
When again I need your comfort,
or to feel your healing fire;
when I need your strength and music,
when I need to drink your Presence...
You'll be there, my Heart's Desire!
(Becky Rhon, written Nov. 29, 1985)
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