Application forms can be daunting. Filling them out is something I cordially dislike. (Well, maybe not so "cordially"!) But it had to be done if we were to be considered for membership in HCJB World Radio (as it was called then). It went well until we came to one pertinent question: do you feel God's call to be a missionary?
Well...Germán was fine answering that, but what was I going to say? I couldn't say "yes", but I began wishing I had heard from God about the matter in some way! (Something really cool and exciting, if possible!) Truly, if I had received a very obvious unequivocal call from God to go to the North Pole, I'd have started packing! In all this, though, God never sent me a specific "moment of confirmation". And it was something I couldn't MAKE happen. I would have been so glad to receive a "call", to be able to continue with our plans, confidence firmly in hand.
Again, Germán (and the mission) were patient. I prayed like you can't imagine! Please, Lord, let me know You want me to be a missionary; give me something that assures me that it's what You have in mind. I really wanted to be able to point to a specific time and experience and say, "I received a call from God..." But only HE could make it happen. One can't just fabricate a thing like that.
As you see, it wasn't a lack of willingness. I'd gotten to the point where I was ready to go along with Germán's vision for our future. But how would I fill in that crucial blank on the questionnaire?
Finally, I did what I had done before when I needed guidance desperately and couldn't seem to find an answer. I stayed home from church one Sunday morning for the express purpose of putting this "problem" up for consideration before my God. He didn't give me a "missionary call", BUT...He DID answer me! He made me realize that as far as He was concerned, my position should be that of following my husband wherever He led him...and then trusting Him to lead my husband. That was enough.
Germán was relieved when I told him. I talked to one of the missionaries on the committee and said, "I haven't received a specific call, but I believe in following my husband and I am willing to do that. Is that alright?" He answered, "That's fine!" I wonder sometimes if God did it that way so that I would remember that, although I would have ministries myself, and Germán would encourage me to do so, my principle job would be to support my husband, stand by him and be a team-mate. (In fact, a while later, when my health prevented me from doing much outside the home, when speaking of ministries, if anyone would ask, "And what does your wife do?", Germán would say, "She takes care of me.")
Once we had been accepted by HCJB, we still had a long road ahead of us. First of all, we had to travel to the U.S. for a Candidate Orientation. We couldn't even begin to afford it! But God had that all worked out, and I'll tell you about it in the next post.
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When I wrote about my collapse in Shell, I think I told about the verse that God gave me as a special anchor for my soul. It was the one I put at the top of this post, Revelation 3:8, "I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name." Although, being a human being, I have not always done this, He has graciously shown me that when HE opens a door, no matter how weak we are, or how strong any opposition seems to be, NO ONE can shut it! (WE can't shut the doors He opens, either; we can refuse to walk through them...but we'll miss out on all He has for us.)
See you next time!
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